To Sea Mr Murdoch

Take ‘Er To Sea, Mr Murdoch.

Sunday, 04 March 2007

(Some ramblings about cultural climate change)

By Dr Frigmund Pseud

Wednesday, 31 Jan 2007 4.30am.

Apparently, Britons recently voted Titanic the second worst film ever made.

Ain’t democracy the darndest thing? That film won eleven academy awards and made squillions worldwide, because squillions of suckers like me worldwide went and saw it, and bought it. The film studio did not employ thugs to stand outside cinemas and rob people; we handed over the squillions of our own accord. I suspect, therefore, that Titanic may be the second most-hated film of all time, according to Poms with nothing better to do than vote in polls, for whom I have three words: Celebrity Big Brother.

It will not surprise frequent Friggers that I loved that ridiculously huge film. If you hated it, I don’t plan to try to change your mind, but bear with me anyway, because it takes me (and therefore, possibly you) on an interesting flight of ideas. Last time I saw Titanic, I wrote the following notes immediately after (this at 2am, mind):

It has occurred to me to dredge up these notes from the sea bed of orphan ramblings because of the current swell of cultural climate change, which seems presently to be of the greatest amplitude since 2001. Back then the big threat was from the evil without: terrorism. Now it dawns on a growing proportion of us that we might well consume ourselves to death. The miniscule chance of a violent death in a terrorist attack squares off against a near certainty that we and our beloved progeny will live in a hotter, drier, more desolate Australia, minus its great reef, snowlines, and many thousands of species of plant and animal. When Channels 7 and 9 begin running the depressing lines SBS has been supplying for years, even John Howard has to start sweating over global warming. To see that little blueblood desperately trying to show off his Green cred is surreal. Gratifying, perhaps, given that we’ve been yelling at him through the telly (in a sane way, of course) for years that you can’t sell everything now and expect not to pay later. But it’s scary too, because it means that the threat must be so severe: If even our shortsighted little prime minister and his beloved mainstream can no longer afford to ignore it, things must be pretty dire. Like the genteel first class passengers aboard a sinking ship on a chilly night in April 1912, there must be a point at which the fine brandy cannot be blamed for the gradually steepening floor. Oh, shit! one may be heard to exclaim in the grand dining room, where the trappings of a comfortable life are starting to look increasingly ridiculous as they slide, gently at first, toward the downhill end of the room.

McMansions?

I have long thought that the problem of having eaten too much chocolate is unique: all other problems in the world recede at least slightly when sucking on a hearty lump of cocoa-fat (because that’s what it is. Here, have some cocoa-fat, kids!). But if you’ve had too much chocolate, the one solution definitely off limits to you is…chocolate. Global warming would seem similarly refractory to the usual societal cure-all, consumption. For decades now, we’ve worked from the following script:

Reality: Massive inequality among humans, with the vast majority of the world’s wealth in the pudgy paws of a tiny minority.

Response: Buy more stuff. There, that feels better.

Reality: Terrorism erupting as the affluent West is targeted by a much less well-off bunch of antisocial fanatics, who depend for the success of their campaigns on the assistance of ordinary non-antisocial people who share their hatred of our bloated dominant culture.

Response: Buy more stuff. Scared of flying? Use frequent flyer points to…er, buy more stuff.But now, the plot thickens, doesn’t it?

Reality: World heating up. Probably not Osama Bin Laden’s fault.

Response. Buy more st…oh, wait a minute, remember that power failure last week? All our stuff stopped working! It was hot, and I pressed a button, and it didn’t make the hot go away. I seem to remember nearly panicking, except then the power came back on, so it was all OK. But then I was watching TV and those black balloon ads (which that nice man Al Gore thinks are so good America should be watching them) started to hit home. I’ve been blaming big industry and agriculture for water shortages and global warming, just like I blame trucks and white vans for danger on the roads. But I eat, use, wear and depend on stuff which had to get to me in trucks and white vans. Big industry and agriculture only exist because people like me keep using stuff. Oh, shit!

Fortunately, because this is a Friggy column, and I’m above all an incorrigible optimist (it’s working for me, thankyou), there is a positive on which to finish. The chocolate analogy may not quite hold completely true, nor the ever-creaky Titanic analogy. I think there is a way to respond to the looming crisis of climate change by doing what we early 21st century folk do best (consume), with some modifications. Capitalism got us into this mess, and it could get us out. If the stuff we buy were to consist of solar panels, rainwater tanks, vegie gardens, bikes and public transport, each home could move towards self-sufficiency and a minimal environmental footprint. As a bonus, the threat of terrorist attacks on our infrastructure would be reduced, as we would rely less heavily on infrastructure. Want sustainable non-nuclear energy? Buy shares in a company developing the technology! Demand that your loyalty reward scheme has an option to plough thousands of unneeded points into carbon-reducing schemes such as rainforest protection, instead of just rewarding your consumption with more consumption.

Eventually, you gotta hope, Big Oil and the governments it influences (er, that’d be most of them) will realise that it’s pointless to keep scuttling green technologies that threaten oil’s reign as preferred fuel for the machinery of the world, when oil-driven carbon emissions (not to mention oil-associated geopolitics) are doing a pretty good job of that already.Big Oil is not evil, it’s just a bunch of scared fat little men with too much money. I hope in my heart of hearts, that at some point all this evidence of climate change will strike at their hearts as they watch their grandkids play, and for the first time fear of screwing it all up for their loved ones will outweigh their fear of losing money. Smart people will make money out of saving the world; lord knows there’s enough of it floating about…being spent on things like three hours in a cinema watching a ship sink.

Yes, we are like the dinosaurs – huge, dominant, lumbering. Yes, we are like ancient Rome – arrogant, profligate, mercenary. And yes, extinction is a very real threat. But by realising this, there is time to avert catastrophe, or at least survive it. There are icebergs out there, so we have to slow the ship down. We’ll settle for getting there in one piece, thanks very much, Mr Ishmael.

I believe, based on our recent history (see: abolitionism, penicillin, the internet) that we are smart enough, powerful enough and wise enough to adapt, if only we can get brains, brawn and conscience to work together.

Here’s hoping the current cultural climate change is exactly that, more than simply a variation in the social weather.