Sa Confidential
S. A. CONFIDENTIAL
Friday, 23 June 2006
The sounds of cool jazz fill the room mixed with the blue smoke coming from her cigarette. The broad inhales deeply, drinking it all in. “You want to know about the results huh sonny?” “Well who sent you huh?” I look at her a moment “Well that’s for me to know” She looks at me, calculating “What’s in it for me?” “6 month credit on your basic training record,” I say. I watch her eyebrows disappear into the mass of golden curls at her brow. I’ve hooked her.
“Well, I got some names you know, I know some people. You go see Mandy and you say Candy sent you”.
“So how do I find this Mandy?” I ask.
“Oh sugar, Mandy’ll find you”...
~~
That night in the dingy motel the sounds of Hindley St fill the room. I rasp the three-day stubble. Occupational hazard. When the college says jump I say how high. If only the expense account stretched to The Hilton. I review the case file marked “Eyes Only”. Put out my cigarette in the already overflowing ashtray. I wasn’t given my usual preparatory time. This was a hot potato for the bosses. A 100% pass rate apparently. Couldn’t have that on the stats. Finance would start asking questions, would have to put the fees up again if everyone started passing first go. So there it was in black and white – a definite gap between South Australia and the rest. What was going on here? They had been through the usual routine checks – internet sale of papers, loose lipped examiners. It all checked out. So here’s where I come in. I’m not officially on the books you know, PI and all, but I get called for the odd job.Got to find the source here and crush it dead. So bring it on Mandy...
~~
I woke with a start. Then I heard it again. An impatient knock on the door. Who in the hell? It was 3 am.Hindley St was still buzzing outside the window.
There was a brunette at the door. “Candy sent me...”
Ah. Mandy.
Quite apart from anything else, Adelaide seemed to be full of broads with an attitude.She tried to bamboozle me. Drank damn near all my Jack Daniels as well. Told me there was no magic to it.Just plain hard work apparently. I wasn’t buying it for a minute. Anyway, she invited me round to theirnext study group. Couldn’t pass that one up.
~~
7am. Central Market. Don’t these people sleep? At least there was coffee. The gang had their books open in front of them. I expected the usual, people reciting lists at a feverish pace at each other. Mandy nodded in recognition, did the rounds. Well there were no lists, no cue cards….what were they doing?? All writing then passing their papers round. I looked a question at one of them – Andy – he said that they had written questions for each other to answer. I had a look at his. “The marking guide’s on the back” he said. Marking guide? “Yeah, we write questions the way the examiners do”. The way the examiners do??? How did they manage to get hold of that information? As far as I know that was still off limits. Oh sure, it was on the website for appearances, but still under “do not click on this tab” as far as I knew. Someone must have kicked him under the table, because I couldn’t get anymore from him.
3pm Glenside Hospital. So this is the training committee eh? Heritage listed building...if only they did something with the maroon carpet……
Stanley, the Director of Training is waiting. I’m officially a prospective trainee. Unofficially here to take a look around. Funny time of year to be applying he says. I know, I try the charming smile. Brick wall there. Okay, another tack.
“I’ve had some hard times recently you know, but just getting back on track”.
Ah, found an in. Numerous tedious questions later we get to the exams
“So how do we prepare for the exams?”
“Why are you worrying about that now?”
“Oh I just like to be prepared” I say. Come on….come on……
“Well, there is an afternoon a week of exam preparation”
“So who takes it”
”Oh myself and another psychiatrist”
“Oh who’s that?”
“It changes” he says, looking at me curiously.
His secretary comes in to remind him that he is meeting with that trainee about that thing. A Director of Training who actually meets with his trainees?
~~
Same café. Same table. Same blonde.
“So you want to know who the other psychiatrist is huh sonny? What’s the quid pro quo on that?”
“Come on Candy, I already gave you the 6 months, for a dead end”.
“I can’t help it if you aren’t persuasive enough sonny”
“Alright, one ethics experience, but that’s it!”
“Gimme two sonny and you’re on”
Reluctantly I nod.
~~
So here I am – at Dr Finn’s office. This is the wellspring. Officially I’m from the AMC interested in the pass rate.
“No magic” he says
“Just plain hard work”
If it was all hard work how come broads had the time to knock on your door at 3am huh?
The charming smile seems to work here. A dash of flattery, a pinch of praise – and I get it
“We write an exam paper” he says
“What the exam paper”
“Well no, but the exam prep group writes two exam papers for each other to sit. They learn the marking grids, so they learn how to answer the questions”.
“No magic. All trainees know all they need to” “It’s just the technique”
So that’s it. Seems anti-climactic somehow.
~~
So anyway, my report to the college left a few things out. I kinda got fond of the place. And it seems Candy got fond of me. So the long and the short of it: move to Adelaide.Hush hush and on the QT.
~~
Sumitra Shankar