Partners Invitational
Survey Results: Partner's Invitational
Thursday, 31 August 2006
Thinking of shacking up with a psych reg? Then read last month's survey results.this invisible pillar to the profession gave us a brief glimpse of their world...they are shackled to our exam and work stress, juggle life around our On-call, have to duck the psychological interpretations in arguments, have to do without dinner or a social life when we have exams looming, develop violent fantasies about 309a Latrobe St and remind us to try and have a life with them around training and work...I wonder what would have been said if we had asked the kids?To all those other halves,Thank you from the bottom of our hearts...Let's hope we survive and it's all worthwhile!
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1. What's it like for you being partnered to a psych reg?
Response
Fine compared with other specialties. On call work is very annoying, particularly when he is not called in as it curbs your lifestyle sitting around wondering whether you will be called in rather than enjoying your time off how you choose e.g. haviing a drink with friends. At least if you are called in you are paid for it. Rather a rostered overtime shift. Doesnt talk about work or share stories as much as other disciplines because of confidentiality, respect for patients and many opportu
Good.
Great! Free psychiatric care! So when you start to feel the urge to launch a satellite-guided missile atLaTrobe?your feelings are entirely appropiate aand quite normal. Taking action on them however, is not likely toimprove the PRP's chances of passing the next exam.
Close to unbearable. What are they doing to her? Is this some kind of ritual initiation? I'd swearI've heard better things about joining the Australian Navy.Can we sue for damages? What will she belike after this is over? Can I please have my wife back? Please?
Bloody difficult!
Extremely stressful @ times but exam periods are definitely the worst.It is important for the partner to have their own interests & not take things too personally.
In a word - crazy! But not all the time. Better than another medical specialty where you*d never see yourpartner.
God Help Me and all those non Psych partners!!! To be honest it is very very interesesting. Anything andeverything has a jargon attached ie PD, Border line, etc etc.. They'll even try and tell you what youare thinking, they'll tell you that you aree being sacarstic, angry or you have a low self esteem.My absolutely beautiful and stunning Psych reg. partner, is very fond of critisizing practicallyeverything. I must say it is one of the best things that has happend to me, to be with a Psych. r
Very good except around exam time as he has very good coping mechanisms to deal with stress and day to day pressuresa pain in the @rse- it impinged on every part of our lives- socially, sleeping etc
Fantastic, there should be more of it!
Must say she has been slightly more difficult over the past couple of years...Is she analysing me???
I have to do more or the housework.
Very centreing
I suppose, being widowed would be easier. I dearly love the psych. reg. in question and with gladness offerinfrastructure and flexibility - if I was a widow, the requirements would be clear and constant. In thecase now, my husband needs a continuouus high-level and diverse range of support, already formany years.
First, I find the content of the work stories much more interesting than the old ones about medical andsurgical rotations. The difficulties are seeing my partner distressed by work-issues and seeing her
- all day.I think beinng a good listener for a partner who has listened all day ispretty essential which can be tiring but the debriefing seems to have become more important this year.Having said that I like the hours MUCH better. We see each other more and that's rea
Her last relationship didn*t survive her study and late night work commitments. With us, we both have unreasonablework demands and that similarity helps us to tolerate the stresses and workdemands of the other. So it works, especially as she is neaaring the end.can*t say it impacts on me much, except when exams are looming - she stops cooking for me.
I find that it is a fun and exciting experience; at times like being on a roller coaster where neither of usare always in control
Comfortable - in the knowledge that my wife will notice long before I do that I am going crazy.
It's like being on the outside and inside of a rather complex but subtle long case EVERY day...... and
- is never a legitimate answer! But certainly having made the choice would never have it any other way(thouugh I do feel that of the two of us I stand to gain more long-term health benefits).very busy. find it hard with hushand so commited to work. plus the children
I feel real good as he gets into my mind matters as well. I see my picture into his analysis!It*s at time quite stressful when he is on call. However, as a GP, it is often good to bounce off ideas about mental health patients and management. I think it is unfair that they can be called in at all times of the night and then be expected to worrk the next day. It can be quite worrying when they are gone for hours at night.Suddenly every one you know and meet has a psychiatric disorder.
2. What do you observe in your partner as they progress through the process?
Response
Enormous pressure. He developed more confidence and became more relaxed following successful completion ofexams.They become a little less likely to be objectionably skeptical to psychiatric theories.
"How Prince Charming turned into Rumplestilzkin and was saved by the love of the Fairy Queen."An unbelievable fairy story but a reality when the stress of a training program really kicks in.You name any negative impact and I*m sure it was there! Deepression, loss of confidence, becoming withdrawnand preoccupied, weight changes and health problems, difficulty in relationships etc etc etc. I knew it wasreally bad when a chance remark at the family dinner table would trigger an OSCI presentation.
I'd need to be a psych reg to be sure, but I think she's approaching some kind ofpsychotic break. It'skind of like how I imagine people are when they come out of Guantanamo Bay: shaking, confused, no identity.But she's not wearing an orange jumpsuiit, at least.
Increasingly depressed and non communicative. I think A needs some of his own professional help.
Stress & irriability @ times but relief & happiness too. Frustation & despondency which is hopefullycounter-balanced by the partner's support
Earning more money! Overall no big change except less anxious about work.
Like I mentioned earlier, there are a lot of changes that have happened since my partner has joined.Things that had a deeper meaning once upon a time now has some Psychiatric reason attached and thus thewhole essence of intimacy has sort of died, but once again wouldnt ask for any thing else. God help me andall:-)
Good: Incresed enjoyment from stimulation at work & mentors Bad: Increased frustration with examsstress, stress and more stress
Become more crazy.
As above, plus I have been diagnosed with a few mental ilnesses.
I don*t think she has changed much at all
HAving fun then getting stressed out then developing a new lease of (and lust for) life post-exams
I observe a shining,lively,capable, self-confident and very experienced Doctor being step by step reduced to a grey,self-doubting bundle of nerves,as he repeats clinical exams despite supervision reports cum laude.
I have seen her struggle with the newness of the work. Even though she had done psych rotations before,I see a heightened sense of responsibility with being a registrar and an increased urgency to "know it all
- are through the first 6 months. She has become much morerelaxed about dealing with potentially violent patients - something that worried us both initially - andseems to have started to enjoy the work a lot more which is great.
It's been a 10 year process and I've only been a part of it for one year. However, I can say that Icontinue to be amazed by her ability to empathise with others and discuss emotional issues in a thoughtfuland insightful manner.
Observe in my partner? Hmm....have I noticed anything...can't say I have, except I notice when she'sstressed, I get fed less often.
My partner has become more confident in his abilities, and has good strategies in place to separate workfrom home
Increasing knowledge and understanding - of my behaviour!
A degree of calm that I hope reassures both of us.
more reflective and contemplative than before. now get less help with the kids
becoming more serious and wearing a more professional hat even in a social gathering
I see a lot of stress and worry especially after hours regarding the health and outcome of patients he has admitted or discharged. It does not seem to get better throughout the training years. However, I do see a growing inconfidence and capabilitiess as the year goes by. I also see a growth of white hairs and grey hairs and with the multiple essays, tasks and exams a reduction in sporting time and fitness. This is disappointing.
When they finnish the engaging and all consuming hurdle they are currently involved, there are always about 10 more to come.
3. Any survival tips you want to share?
Response
- is a bit of a party mantra in the Pseud household. I can*t remember the last time I stayed out past midnight or one-ish, and that has nothing to do with being unable to remember dancing on the tables til sunup. Thankfullly, I don*t think it*s got anything to do with early-onset dementia, either. It*s just our parathirtyness - we love our home, we like not being hung over on Sundays and, yes, we like Parky.
So much easier once exams are over. Don't have kids until exams are over.
Keep your sense of humour.
DONT PUT YOUR LIVES ON HOLD!!!!! Seven years ago we decided to make the preparation for exams the priorityfor our lives. We thought we could just focus on them - "it would be just a short time" and get them outof the way. It has taken five years too finally pass them. Social occasions, family celebrations, weekendactivities and holidays - these opportunities, once lost are lost forever and cannot be relived. We declinedso many invitations our social lives died and were Laid To Rest. Our five
Make coffee, make bed, make nice; and get yourself a saint-like reserve of patience: that*ll help. Remain calm in the face of disaster, remember that your loved one will revert to being a human, eventually ... and hide all sharp objects outside the hhome.
Don*t marry a psych reg, or strongly discourage them from continuing this mad profession!
Regular holidays & weekends away. Keeping medicine & psychiatry in perspective. A study group for the trainee can be very supportive. If there are children keeping them occupied @ set times so the trainee can study. Keeping up outside interests like movies, reading, picnics etc. Some individual time for trainee & partnerA good mix of work and play is the key.
Your partner is always right, if not u will be framed as some word that means nothing to a NORMAL human being. When u find that the argument is heating up, STOP arguing from your side, as the psych reg partner has a HUGE ego, considering they deal wiith peoples heads, she might actually operate your brains verbally. Another thing they will try to change you and mould you to ways that NORMAL human beings would be very very uncomfortable, the only thing you need to do is agree to them, do what uExercise together Be flexible as night shifts and haphazard study schedules & exams become a way of lifemake sure have own life, lots of communication and lots of wine!
That*s a tricky one.Do not contradict her. Make her laugh. Do not allow work issues enter your house.
No
Limit the shop talk Live a balanced life and have lots of other interests
Ask again, when we have survived the clinicals ! Frame the whole experience for yourself in terms of growing your ability to love far beyond reason.
Home made minestrone has saved us both a few times - I highly reccomend it and any home made soup to soothe the nevers of psych reg and partner after a hard day. Telling her that she is not indispensable has been required a few times when she has beeen too sick to go to work and wanted to anyway. I have realised more and more that fun and relaxation for a psych reg and partner is essential therapy - not a luxury that can be dismissed as trivial... Oh and it*s pretty essential to remind your ps
Make sure that you carve out frequent times of personal space together where you re-connect and demonstrate care and tenderness. In a busy household, close a door behind you, dim the lights and massage some of the aches away.
Nah! Except for those other long-suffering partners out there, make sure you have someone else to look after you when they*re stressed out, or you might starve to death!
Being flexible and accomodating is important...not a clock watcher...be able to negotiate responsibilities according to training needs...most importantly, celebrate the successes together
It helps to share the same profession.
DO talk about it. Whatever it might be.... even if you can*t work the links out for yourself he/she will very likely be able to draw a convincing link between that unexplained emotional turn and the day*s events by way of pacification (usually); or at the very least point out that your mother started it.
yes. always have a welcoming home where he can forget about his psych problems
love, support, company No less than any
1) Take relaxation lessons so you can use them with your partner is on call and away in the middle of the night. 2) Do sports and exercise together so that you still get to spend time with them as well as them getting exercise. 3) Get good at pluckking out grey hairs so they remain eternally young. 4) Maintain your sense of life and fun so that they are able to step out of their world and enjoy life.
Be prepared for a "never ending story" that unlike the original actually has no end.