Jonathan Spectacular
Jonathan Spectacular -Short Story
Tuesday, 25 July 2006
People's heads all nod when the tram goes over a bump. I could ask them "is Jonathan a good bloke?"at the right moment and whether or not I was, they'd be saying "Yes, Jonathan", or saying it with their heads at least.
Even Mum's head nods. You wouldn't reckon, not with how tense she is. Tense is what she calls it where her teeth look clenched all the time instead of only some.
"We're on time"I say, which I know because the traffic's good and it's only ten to, so unless the driver dies at the buttons (trams don't have wheels, not steering ones anyway) we'll get Janie to the clinic on time.
I did three k at the pool this morning. I told Dad."Spectacular, Jonathan, spectacular"he said, whilst he watched the ads.
If I could change my surname from Turner to Spectacular, it'd be good, because at the moment there are two J Turners in my family, and the one on all the pill bottles and Centrelink forms is not me, it's Janie. Sometimes I open her mail by accident, and once it was a letter from someone called Michael with a flash looking letterhead who said she had an appointment to see him soon, like in a month which I didn't think was soon.
I saved her. Everyone said I did, because before the Cat team and the police got there, which was ages, it was me holding her down, except it wasn't really her. She was white and sweaty and smelled like homeless people who ask you for money but you know it's for drugs. I got a cut on my arm from the broken glass which was on the floor from where she threw a chair out the window when it was closed, because Mum had locked it and she wanted to get out. We're 5 floors up so she might have survived if she was really lucky, but because I jumped on her and because I swim lots of k every day I was strong and could hold her, she didn't have to find out how lucky she was.
Now I've got a little white scar from seven stitches which a very pretty lady doctor put in. She had bad breath but I didn't mind.
Janie never said thanks for saving me. Even now she's back on her medication and she has stopped trying to escape from imaginary people she thinks are trying to kill her, she hasn't said anything about how I helped her. But I'm OK with that, because I know she's still not quite right, not like she was a few years ago. Mum makes me come along to all Janie's appointments, just in case I have to jump on her again. I don't go in with Mum and Janie because there are not enough chairs. Last time I said that's okay I'll bring one in from the waiting room, but Mum said not to worry. I said I wasn't worried, but Mum didn't seem to hear me. People lose their hearing as they get older, that's why there are ads for hearing aids in the old magazines in the waiting room. Old people read magazines because they can't hear the TV anymore.
When I jumped on Janie to save her life, I could feel her wriggling under me and I was worried I might break her bones with my weight. But she would definitely have broken more bones falling 5 floors down, even if she hit the top of one of the cars and it was a convertible.
Our car is a Toyota Lexcen, which means it looks exactly like a 1996 Holden Commodore VS. Three years ago, Dad saw an ad at the newsagent and we got the train to Ginifer station on the St Albans line which is now the Sydenham line even though the last station is actually called Watergardens. It was parked in the street with a "4 Sale" sign in the window.
"It's boring", said Janie.
"It's a Holden", I said.
"It's nine hundred dollars", said Dad.
Some of the magazines in the waiting room are so old there are ads for the 1996 Holden Commodore VS. There are no ads for Toyota Lexcens. Dad says Lexcen is the name of the man who invented the Winged Keel which is why Australia won the America's Cup, but he died of a heart attack when he was only about fifty. That's younger than Dad. I asked Dad if he would like a car to be called the Turner if he died really early, like tomorrow, even though he's never invented anything. He laughed and said I would go a long way. Which I have done 147 kilometres in the pool so far this year.
The America's cup is not named after America, even though it should be because America won it every time until 1983 when Australia II won. It's named after a yacht called "America', which won it the first time. That makes sense I think. Calling a Holden a Toyota doesn't though. Neither does calling the Sydenham line's last station Watergardens. All the other train lines have the name of the last station. Dad says there are lots of things that don't make sense.
I can list all the stations on the Hurstbridge line. We don't live on that line, but I wish we did. I got on a Hurstbridge train by accident once, when I was supposed to get on an Epping train. I should have changed at the next station but it was an express to Ivanhoe which is a very beautiful place, so I stayed on. It was autumn and the trees were all red and yellow. Then later on as we got closer to Hurstbridge the train went into the countryside. It's not at all like Epping, which is flat and has no trees, like the Nullarbor, which means No Trees. I don't know what Epping means. It sounds like a verb which is a doing word, but I've never heard of somebody deciding to Ep. Dad says "effing' quite a lot which Mum tells him off for. He could say "Epping' instead, because you can't get told off for saying a suburb when you're having an argument about bills.
Dad says Epping Hospital, which is called the Northern Hospital, is built on top of a rubbish tip. The Cat team took Janie to Emergency there, and we followed in the Toyota Lexcen so that I could get stitches and we could see how Janie was going, but it said you have to pay to park in the Hospital car park and Dad said that was crazy having to pay to park on top of a rubbish tip. So we parked in the shopping centre car park which is free for three hours between 8 am and 6pm and walked across the muddy path to the hospital. I got mud on my shoes that was so sticky it just wouldn't come off. Then the nurse in the window at the waiting area got angry because there was mud inside. I said sorry but she didn't hear me through the glass I think, because she just kept looking angry.
It was a good thing it was after 6pm because it took a lot longer than three hours at Emergency even though it only took half an hour to stitch up my arm and if we had got a parking ticket as well as Janie having to be in hospital when she didn't want to and was crying because she thought she was going to die in hospital, well that would have made things worse.
On the way home, I asked Dad if Janie thought she was going to die in hospital because she was mad.He said lots of people die in hospital, so that's not so crazy.I said I thought it was crazy that people die in hospital. Aren't hospitals supposed to stop people dying?Dad did his deep breath thing, then he said "Yes, Jonathan.'It sounded like he meant to say "No, Jonathan.' I guess he was pretty tired and confused.
"Yes, Jonathan', Mum's head says all the way to the tram stop near the clinic. It's the bumps, remember.
"No, Jonathan', says Mum when I ask if I can come in this time, while we're waiting in the waiting room.
Maybe if they changed the name to the walking-through room the clinic people would come and get Janie at ten o'clock like they said on the card, instead of making us sit in the waiting room waiting.
When Mum and Janie go in with Michael at twenty past ten, it becomes the watching TV and drinking free hot chocolate room. It's not very hot or very chocolatey, but it is definitely free. There is nowhere to put money in to the machine, and last time I had five cups and no-one behind the glass with "reception' on it told me off.
Today I think I will try for six.
Matt Roberts